He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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