The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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