Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
