how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize