We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
