The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
