I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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