So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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