Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
3 2 1 whiskey
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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