cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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