I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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