My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
