So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
