we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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