Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
