We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
