I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
