Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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