im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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