Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm just crazy horny about you
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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