I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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