Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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