She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
