I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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