the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
