I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
