well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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