All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
