I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
