I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
