I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just want nice things and good sex
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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