sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
