I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
