kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize