Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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