he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
