She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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