I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
