i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You have to summon your inner elephant
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
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