can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
