speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Boobs speak an international language.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
