remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
