Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
