just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
