i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
