Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Two words: blizzard sex
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dear god my vagina.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
