Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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