he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
