He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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