her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
