Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
