You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
