In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
