yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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