I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I would fuck him just for his dog
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
