I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
