If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize