I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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