you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
