Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
