I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
