wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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