question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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