i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
