He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
