I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
