im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
