I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
