Betty ford says i'm here all night
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
