thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
this boner is exhausting
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
