Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
