She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
