i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
